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Anonymous and unedited fail stories. Submit yours at the bottom of the page.
I went to light the grill and we didn't have a long grill lighter at the time so I used a standard one and it singed the hair off of my arm..EF
Posted on 5th Aug 2009 02:52
My girlfriend has been going on and on for months about how super impressed she is with her super smart, handsome, rich, ivy league educated married boss. Whatever. It did not matter until she told me they fucked in Las Vegas last month during a business trip. Her digital camera also had 30 or so shots of them naked in the hotel room in various sex acts appearing very drunk and happy. I found the disc last week and she admitted what happened. I told her the relationship is over and kicked her ass out. I own the house which we have lived in for a bit over a year. I told her to pick up her shit today. Over the weekend I fowarded the pics to her boss, his wife(after I told her what happened over the phone), and her boss's boss. Well...Everyone who got the pics ain't too happy. My now ex girlfriend's boss called me on Sunday and told me I ruined his marriage, job, and life and he said he was going to sue me after he beat the shit out of me and gouged out my eyes. Then he started to cry over the phone. I laughed and told him he can come over my house any time he likes. I had a cop friend of mine call him back and scare the shit out of him regarding the threating phone calls. He left 3 threatening messages on my machine before I picked up. My ex took the day off from work today to pick up her shit. Well...she loves clothes and shoes. Lots of good names too like Chanel, Guccci, Versace, etc.. All her good stuff I took to an uppper class consignment store so I can make a little cash and every other piece of her clothing from underwear to gym clothes were burned in a beautiful bonfire fueled with gasoline last night. I gave her back all her other stuff but not ONE stich of clothing. For numbers....60 or so pairs of shoes and the designer duds....40 or so dresses/suits. When she asked for her clothes this morning I pointed to the remains of my bonfire. I thought she had a heart attack. I told her. To get the fuck off my property and never speak to me again. I also told her if she or her boss decide to seek revenge on me her digital pics from Vegas as well as the 10 or so homemade porn films we personally made together could accidentally end up at her parents house or get splahed all over the internet. She left numb. I feel much better now than I did last Friday. My friends by the way always told me they thought she was a condesending bitch. They were right. I guess I just was use to the great sex. Now time to move on. I already have a date for Fri. with a hottie from my gym. She looks like Daisy Fuentes but with bigger tits. I will still watch my back for a while but if they try anything. I will be ready. Thanks for letting me rant. It has been a shitty 5 days.
EF
Posted on 4th Aug 2009 05:24
Me and my sister where watching HellBoy.She farts really loud then gets all stiff.She then asks me have you ever farted so hard you shited?Me-No?Her-Oh.She gets up goes to the bathroom then comes back with shout and starts spraying the couch with it. EFPosted on 3rd Aug 2009 06:05
i got married.
EFPosted on 31st Jul 2009 20:10
on our way to six flags our engine blew, we've been stuck here since monday!! ha! its still broken and my mom and stepdad are gonna get fired cause we live oin az. i missed school registration. EF
Posted on 31st Jul 2009 00:35
So this morning my friend was planning to smack me with a beanbag chair while I was asleep, but I heard him talking about it so I put a decoy in my bed and waited for him to make his move. Just as he was about to smack the decoy I jumped out and scared him. He got so scared he jumped into the wall. EFPosted on 28th Jul 2009 23:09
I just was in the Grocery Store and someone used the pick up line, "sorry I thought you where Leonardo DiCaprio, you should be an actor." It was another dude who tried. EFPosted on 28th Jul 2009 22:34
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I went to light the grill and we didn't have a long grill lighter at the time so I used a standard one and it singed the hair off of my arm..EF
Posted on 5th Aug 2009 02:52
My girlfriend has been going on and on for months about how super impressed she is with her super smart, handsome, rich, ivy league educated married boss. Whatever. It did not matter until she told me they fucked in Las Vegas last month during a business trip. Her digital camera also had 30 or so shots of them naked in the hotel room in various sex acts appearing very drunk and happy. I found the disc last week and she admitted what happened. I told her the relationship is over and kicked her ass out. I own the house which we have lived in for a bit over a year. I told her to pick up her shit today. Over the weekend I fowarded the pics to her boss, his wife(after I told her what happened over the phone), and her boss's boss. Well...Everyone who got the pics ain't too happy. My now ex girlfriend's boss called me on Sunday and told me I ruined his marriage, job, and life and he said he was going to sue me after he beat the shit out of me and gouged out my eyes. Then he started to cry over the phone. I laughed and told him he can come over my house any time he likes. I had a cop friend of mine call him back and scare the shit out of him regarding the threating phone calls. He left 3 threatening messages on my machine before I picked up. My ex took the day off from work today to pick up her shit. Well...she loves clothes and shoes. Lots of good names too like Chanel, Guccci, Versace, etc.. All her good stuff I took to an uppper class consignment store so I can make a little cash and every other piece of her clothing from underwear to gym clothes were burned in a beautiful bonfire fueled with gasoline last night. I gave her back all her other stuff but not ONE stich of clothing. For numbers....60 or so pairs of shoes and the designer duds....40 or so dresses/suits. When she asked for her clothes this morning I pointed to the remains of my bonfire. I thought she had a heart attack. I told her. To get the fuck off my property and never speak to me again. I also told her if she or her boss decide to seek revenge on me her digital pics from Vegas as well as the 10 or so homemade porn films we personally made together could accidentally end up at her parents house or get splahed all over the internet. She left numb. I feel much better now than I did last Friday. My friends by the way always told me they thought she was a condesending bitch. They were right. I guess I just was use to the great sex. Now time to move on. I already have a date for Fri. with a hottie from my gym. She looks like Daisy Fuentes but with bigger tits. I will still watch my back for a while but if they try anything. I will be ready. Thanks for letting me rant. It has been a shitty 5 days. EF
Posted on 4th Aug 2009 05:24
Me and my sister where watching HellBoy.She farts really loud then gets all stiff.She then asks me have you ever farted so hard you shited?Me-No?Her-Oh.She gets up goes to the bathroom then comes back with shout and starts spraying the couch with it. EFPosted on 3rd Aug 2009 06:05
i got married. EFPosted on 31st Jul 2009 20:10
on our way to six flags our engine blew, we've been stuck here since monday!! ha! its still broken and my mom and stepdad are gonna get fired cause we live oin az. i missed school registration. EF
Posted on 31st Jul 2009 00:35
So this morning my friend was planning to smack me with a beanbag chair while I was asleep, but I heard him talking about it so I put a decoy in my bed and waited for him to make his move. Just as he was about to smack the decoy I jumped out and scared him. He got so scared he jumped into the wall. EFPosted on 28th Jul 2009 23:09
I just was in the Grocery Store and someone used the pick up line, "sorry I thought you where Leonardo DiCaprio, you should be an actor." It was another dude who tried. EFPosted on 28th Jul 2009 22:34
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